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Crackers DON'T Matter! This article is non-canon. |
Lese-Majeste is a story written by Greg Cox. The tale takes place in Season 3 before Eat Me. It was printed in the 7th issue of Farscape: The Official Magazine.
Summary[]
John Crichton is out shopping on a Commerce planet with Rygel, Jool, and Chiana. Their shopping takes them to Zzmro's Scriptorium a famed bookstore in the Uncharted Territories in search of star charts to get their crew home. While browsing the shelves and stacks, Jool comes across the complete sonnets of Kryptos the Obscure, though Chiana snorts at her friend's choice in reading preferring more spicy choices in reading. John acts as his friends chaperone and also the purse for the shopping expedition and is begged by Jool to purchase her book. Rygel discovers something he wants, Annals of the Hynerian Dominars. Though the book costs 50,000 fenniks Rygel assures Crichton that it contains the charts they need. Since the books could not be read unless bought, they had to enact a purchase with the owner.
After some negotiation with the scriptorium's owner, Zzmro, Rygel manages to get the price down to 37,000 fenniks. Just as Rygel and Crichton purchased the book, Zzmro spotted Chiana shoplifting from his ware and demanded that they all leave as their patronage was no longer welcomed. The group were allowed to take their purchase out under the guise of Tavlek security guard. Once they were clear from the scriptorium Chiana revealed that she managed to swipe a book of alien porn and began reading it with Jool hovering over her shoulder. Rygel eager to look up on himself in Hynerian history, found instead only an unflattering footnote. In addition it was revealed that the annals did not contain any of the star charts, as Rygel lied just so he could buy it. The former Dominar was furious at content in the book, guessing that it was the work of his cousin's Bishan propaganda to discredit him. Unwilling to sell it and allow the content to slander him, Rygel tried to burn the page containing the footnote, only to find that it had a self=replicating feature that prevented it from being destroyed. Though Rygel wanted to throw the book into the lava, Crichton had another idea.
Back at the bookstore Crichton offered to sell the book to Zzmro. Despite there being no refunds of resale, Crichton enticed the owner to accept the book as it was signed and inscribed by an actual Dominar thus making it a genuine collectible. Zzmro found the deal appealing and offered the return of their payment with a little extra for the book.
References[]
amazon.com; Annals of the Hynerian Dominars; Aisle Delta; borinium; brandar tile; commerce planet; Dominar; Fahrenheit 451; fennik; food cube; frell; Hanji; hezmana; Hynerian; Hynerian Empire; Kryptos; metra; microt; Mr Potato Head; Niven, Larry; phylo-poetry; pulse pistol; Tavlek; ThroneSled; Twin Caresses: Confessions of a Courtesan-Clone; Scorvian erotica; scriptorium; self-replicating parchment; Uncharted Territories; Vinge, Vernor; Zzmro's Scriptorium
Behind the scenes[]
- Han-jee is misspelled as "Hanji".